BIrthday Forgiveness

BIrthday Forgiveness

The adventure of life takes me on so many twists and turns, dips and rises. I turn 34 today in quite an uneventful way, which after many of years being alive with eventful birthdays, that could be a positive (so my dad says). However, I rarely do anything uneventful. In the spirit of my birthday, I share some raw feels in my soul today and the herbs assisting my healing as I look forward to the New Year.

A dear soul I met in Oregon told me once, “Write your life like it is a story and you are a character.” What would I say? I am unsure, as I write this from a free-write process and my story telling through writing is still new. Let’s see where this story goes…
 
Poetically gleaming out into the world, her eyes are wide as a deer taking in all the beautiful sights and amazing people. The world seems to be a prosperous, joyous place of those who want to be happy. However, mistakes are always made and she feels the weight of mistake after mistake piling upon her heart. The joy is starting to fade and the world seems dim. She looks around and wonders why so many people are here to only gain something, achieve some goal, and look out for their best interest. She wonders…how is she thinking only about herself? Can she reflect a different truth in her work and daily life? She calls her father and mother for advice, because they taught her how to be a woman in this world. Her father says that she is too trusting and even her mother echoes this same sentiment to her, “Why do you trust people so easily? Why do you give away so much of yourself without anyone proving they deserve what you have to offer?”
 
She doesn’t know why. WHY? Why does her heart urn to be trusting? Why does her heart urn to be surrounded by genuine, trustworthy people, but seems to find those who realize they can take advantage of her?
 
Rather than stay in a victim mode, she focuses on why she attracts such energy. Where does she hold herself a victim? Where does she hold a sense of lack of self worth? What can she do as a person believing in honesty, trust, and kindness to attract the same beings who genuinely posses these qualities?
 
FORGIVENESS
 
She starts to forgive herself for all the mistakes, the people she allowed to come in and control her life. She forgives herself for not being able to hold her boundaries as the fences come tumbling down when the hearts and desires of others bulldoze through. She forgives herself for breaking down her boundaries as this causes pain for those she loves and most importantly herself. She forgives herself that sometimes she is unable to be mean and say no. She forgives herself when she is mean and says no. She forgives herself for wanting life a specific way. She forgives herself for being focused and determined She forgives herself that she ALLOWS herself to feel guilty when others attack her for standing her ground or owning something she worked hard for. She forgives herself for being mean when she finally reinstates a boundary. She forgives herself for taking advantage of others in situations. She forgives herself for selfish behaviors. She forgives herself for not always seeing those who are supporting her. She forgives and forgives because she realizes to attract those who are like her she must forgive herself for forgetting to give herself the love she deserves on the most subtle, unconscious levels.
 
She realizes that she doesn’t have to forgive those harming her, she only must forgive herself because let’s face it…that is where the anger and hurt comes from. It comes from disappointing herself because she could be better, stronger, bitchier, and sturdier in her boundaries. Her fence could be a fortress and the people that deserve to be there will see there is a door to knock on gently, consistently, and with gratitude for her existence. While those who do not deserve to be inside see only a cold hard exterior, to their detriment because they are unable to see a door of kindness.
 
Wow! I don’t know what type of story that is, but I am going to be raw here and not edit. I write this to share authentically where I am in the world, I am not down and I am not up. I am here, present in the current moment with joy for being in this body. Understanding there is a purpose to all that happens, to learn, to lean in deep and see the true self. No one is perfect, I am not an angel and I am sure I have hurt others. I am reaping the consequences that come from my actions. They are not bad and not good, it is just what it is, a lesson to help me create vitality in my life. Seems as though the purpose is to wake me up to the joy of life! The interesting thing about it all is I think we could all benefit from some more forgiveness of ourselves.
 
Thank goddess for the plants that support me! My current go to tea is doing wonders for my heart, processing, and forgiving myself. This is the best birthday gift I could give myself today. Drinking good tea, taking a sweet bath, and honor the divine within myself. 34 years alive feels raw, beautiful, prosperous, magical, and forgiving.
 

Photo of Tea Honeysuckle (top left), Hawthorn Leaf & Flower (top right) Linden Leaf & Flower (bottom)

Herbs in my current tea: honeysuckle, hawthorn leaf & flower, and linden leaf & flower. I added some extra honeysuckle flower essence my girlfriend gifted me to the tea as well.
 
Honeysuckle is that sweet bushy plant you might walk by in the summertime and as a kid picked the ends of the flower to extract the tiny drop of honey it provides. This herb is great for respiratory problems and has a calming effect on the nervous system. The flower essence is great for those who are glorifying the past; find it hard to move on over the loss of a loved one, particularly if they are elderly. Good for those who get stuck in regretful feelings about the past, about missed opportunities or unhappy occurrences or about growing old. Honeysuckle helps bring people in the present and let go of the past, or bring it into perspective so that they can benefit from lessons learned from experience.
 
Hawthorn Leaf and Flower is a well-known heart tonic that is wonderful for high blood pressure, pain in the heart area, and other heart conditions. The flowers and leaves have a relaxant effect to relieve stress and anxiety, inducing sleep in insomniacs. Emotionally hawthorn is to work on the heart chakra, opens the heart to both receiving and giving love, and healing broken hearts.
 
Linden Leaf and Flower is relaxing remedy when taken as a tea to relieve tension, anxiety, aids in sleep, great for conditions associated with tension including headaches, irritability, and depression. It is another plant associated with the heart for high blood pressure and relaxing the coronary arteries, easing palpitations. Emotionally the plant is closely related with healing matters of the heart and is a symbol of sweetness, peace, and happiness. Increases awareness of our connectedness.
 
**Herbal info. shorts are modified and restated from the wonderful Anne McIntyre**

 

 

‘Tis the Season for Reflection

‘Tis the Season for Reflection

Tis the season for Reflection.

I find this time of the year for me to be extremely reflective as I gear up for my birthday on December 29th. I am not sure if you feel this way, but maybe some do, the past couple of months have been quite intense, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and in all ways. I personally have been in reflection since the beginning of November preparing like one of my spirit animals, the bear, to hibernate and I am reminded of my dream of the bear swallowing me whole and the attributes of bear medicine.

Bear is known as an herbalist, believe it or not, since many native cultures studied the bear and watched how they use herbs to heal themselves. Therefore, bear is focused on dreams, the energy of the west, the introspection period of reflection on the year, ending of cycles, and good ‘ole hibernation.

The past three months found me in Southern Oregon harnessing the energy of the west coast as the bears creep quietly throughout the landscape preparing for the coming hibernation. Digging up hidden roots in my soul for exposure, food, and digesting over the winter months. An herb that is close to my heart that can be found in the west is Osha Root (Ligusticum porteri) also known as Bear Root or Chuchupate (an ancient term in Aztec meaning Bear Medicine) in Mexico. This plant is grown in the Rocky Mountains from Canada to Mexico above 7,000ft and is very treasured, as it can’t be domesticated easily and loves the wild. Just as my heart urns for the wild life, having this plant as an ally brings me closer to the wild every time I use it. I have had the pleasure of using it on West rounds in some sweat lodges. I have had elders give it in root form to chew on or burned on the stones to open the lungs and make it easier to breathe in the sweat.


Osha root is a wonderful remedy for the lungs, respiratory conditions, flu, sore throat, and illness’s stemming from sinuses. Seems to be perfect for this time of year as winter creeps around the corner and brings flu’s, bronchitis, pneumonia, and strep throat. I personally always have an affinity for diseases that stem from respiratory conditions and sore throats; this is one of my favorite herbs for combating these illnesses.

Another reflection of the Bear and this time of year, is the darkest night of the year is upon us on the Northern Hemisphere. This day is called winter solstice. From December 22nd on the light increases each day preparing for spring, which is when the bear re-enters the world after hibernating in the den, giving birth to young, and preparing them for the next season. Just as during this time I go within to give birth to new projects for the next year.