The adventure of life takes me on so many twists and turns, dips and rises. I turn 34 today in quite an uneventful way, which after many of years being alive with eventful birthdays, that could be a positive (so my dad says). However, I rarely do anything uneventful. In the spirit of my birthday, I share some raw feels in my soul today and the herbs assisting my healing as I look forward to the New Year.
A dear soul I met in Oregon told me once, “Write your life like it is a story and you are a character.” What would I say? I am unsure, as I write this from a free-write process and my story telling through writing is still new. Let’s see where this story goes…
Poetically gleaming out into the world, her eyes are wide as a deer taking in all the beautiful sights and amazing people. The world seems to be a prosperous, joyous place of those who want to be happy. However, mistakes are always made and she feels the weight of mistake after mistake piling upon her heart. The joy is starting to fade and the world seems dim. She looks around and wonders why so many people are here to only gain something, achieve some goal, and look out for their best interest. She wonders…how is she thinking only about herself? Can she reflect a different truth in her work and daily life? She calls her father and mother for advice, because they taught her how to be a woman in this world. Her father says that she is too trusting and even her mother echoes this same sentiment to her, “Why do you trust people so easily? Why do you give away so much of yourself without anyone proving they deserve what you have to offer?”
She doesn’t know why. WHY? Why does her heart urn to be trusting? Why does her heart urn to be surrounded by genuine, trustworthy people, but seems to find those who realize they can take advantage of her?
Rather than stay in a victim mode, she focuses on why she attracts such energy. Where does she hold herself a victim? Where does she hold a sense of lack of self worth? What can she do as a person believing in honesty, trust, and kindness to attract the same beings who genuinely posses these qualities?
She starts to forgive herself for all the mistakes, the people she allowed to come in and control her life. She forgives herself for not being able to hold her boundaries as the fences come tumbling down when the hearts and desires of others bulldoze through. She forgives herself for breaking down her boundaries as this causes pain for those she loves and most importantly herself. She forgives herself that sometimes she is unable to be mean and say no. She forgives herself when she is mean and says no. She forgives herself for wanting life a specific way. She forgives herself for being focused and determined She forgives herself that she ALLOWS herself to feel guilty when others attack her for standing her ground or owning something she worked hard for. She forgives herself for being mean when she finally reinstates a boundary. She forgives herself for taking advantage of others in situations. She forgives herself for selfish behaviors. She forgives herself for not always seeing those who are supporting her. She forgives and forgives because she realizes to attract those who are like her she must forgive herself for forgetting to give herself the love she deserves on the most subtle, unconscious levels.
She realizes that she doesn’t have to forgive those harming her, she only must forgive herself because let’s face it…that is where the anger and hurt comes from. It comes from disappointing herself because she could be better, stronger, bitchier, and sturdier in her boundaries. Her fence could be a fortress and the people that deserve to be there will see there is a door to knock on gently, consistently, and with gratitude for her existence. While those who do not deserve to be inside see only a cold hard exterior, to their detriment because they are unable to see a door of kindness.
Wow! I don’t know what type of story that is, but I am going to be raw here and not edit. I write this to share authentically where I am in the world, I am not down and I am not up. I am here, present in the current moment with joy for being in this body. Understanding there is a purpose to all that happens, to learn, to lean in deep and see the true self. No one is perfect, I am not an angel and I am sure I have hurt others. I am reaping the consequences that come from my actions. They are not bad and not good, it is just what it is, a lesson to help me create vitality in my life. Seems as though the purpose is to wake me up to the joy of life! The interesting thing about it all is I think we could all benefit from some more forgiveness of ourselves.
Thank goddess for the plants that support me! My current go to tea is doing wonders for my heart, processing, and forgiving myself. This is the best birthday gift I could give myself today. Drinking good tea, taking a sweet bath, and honor the divine within myself. 34 years alive feels raw, beautiful, prosperous, magical, and forgiving.
Photo of Tea Honeysuckle (top left), Hawthorn Leaf & Flower (top right) Linden Leaf & Flower (bottom)
Herbs in my current tea: honeysuckle, hawthorn leaf & flower, and linden leaf & flower. I added some extra honeysuckle flower essence my girlfriend gifted me to the tea as well.
Honeysuckle is that sweet bushy plant you might walk by in the summertime and as a kid picked the ends of the flower to extract the tiny drop of honey it provides. This herb is great for respiratory problems and has a calming effect on the nervous system. The flower essence is great for those who are glorifying the past; find it hard to move on over the loss of a loved one, particularly if they are elderly. Good for those who get stuck in regretful feelings about the past, about missed opportunities or unhappy occurrences or about growing old. Honeysuckle helps bring people in the present and let go of the past, or bring it into perspective so that they can benefit from lessons learned from experience.
Hawthorn Leaf and Flower is a well-known heart tonic that is wonderful for high blood pressure, pain in the heart area, and other heart conditions. The flowers and leaves have a relaxant effect to relieve stress and anxiety, inducing sleep in insomniacs. Emotionally hawthorn is to work on the heart chakra, opens the heart to both receiving and giving love, and healing broken hearts.
Linden Leaf and Flower is relaxing remedy when taken as a tea to relieve tension, anxiety, aids in sleep, great for conditions associated with tension including headaches, irritability, and depression. It is another plant associated with the heart for high blood pressure and relaxing the coronary arteries, easing palpitations. Emotionally the plant is closely related with healing matters of the heart and is a symbol of sweetness, peace, and happiness. Increases awareness of our connectedness.
**Herbal info. shorts are modified and restated from the wonderful Anne McIntyre**
Driving up the coast of the Pacific Northwest we venture off into Washington state by way of the mountains, with one goal in mind…take the ferry to Orcas Island! The ferry ride was amazing with binoculars looking out I see the vast expanse of the Pacific Northwest. On the ferry we made plans to find an Eagle Feather, have a private sound healing with Tom Kenyon (which didn’t happen but we drove around hoping to find his abode 😉 and overall seeing the magical forests of this land we have only heard about but never visited.
Photo by Pedro Gil Rosas
Arriving onto the island is like stepping into a pristine old cedar forest, the trees are humming and the forest is alive with fairies and magical beings. On our way to a hike in the forest a large bald Eagle flies right over our car so close I could almost put my hand out and touch the wings. The majestic being graced our time on the island.Deep in the forest I give thanks for being there by playing the flute and of course find my way off the path, but not stepping on any special plants, I see a large shelfmushroom waiting there to be harvested! I sat with the dead tree and themushroom, playing music and asking if it is okay if I can harvest the mushroom. I am granted with a yes!
The picture with the mushroom and the flute above is the large beauty I was able to bring home to create into this special medicine I have to offer.
Before I left I was able to sit at the base of the largest cedar tree I have ever seen on a perfect throne created by a fallen sister cedar tree. In this space I looked up and gave thanks for all that the Earth offers in so much abundance. There is so much abundance in the Earth and I personally think that those in power want to make us think there is a lack, but if you really walk this Earth you will see only abundance.
Photo by Pedro Gil Rosas
NOW LET’S TALK ABOUT REISHI MUSHROOM MAGIC!!! What is it good for?
Reishi Mushroom is great for longevity and is known as the king of mushrooms in the east. This is accomplished by boosting the health of the immune system and preventing certain abnormal blood vessel formations. Certain antioxidant properties of other organic compounds in reishi mushrooms neutralize free radicals, which can cause chronic diseases and premature aging. Reishi mushrooms have the ability to prevent cancerous tumor growth by the active ingredients can seek out and neutralize cancerous cells within the body. Reduces inflammation, heals headaches, asthma, bronchitis, and other chronic respiratory conditions.Reishi mushrooms have been proven to improve the efficiency of blood flow to the heart and lower blood pressure and certain elements of reishi mushroom can reduce the level of “bad” cholesterol in your system, further protecting you from strokes and heart attacks.
In addition to lengthening life, traditional medicine also suggested reishi for energy-boosting. As we age, our energy levels do tend to drop, but adding a boost of life and spirit in our golden years would be wonderful. Try reishi mushroom extract and see for yourself!
SO HOW DID I PREPARE THE TINCTURE?!?!
On the solar eclipse in 2017 I prepared the mushroom to sit in the 190proof organic sugar cane alcohol to pull out the constituents of medicine of the plant that is soluble within alcohol. After sitting for four months, receiving prayers and daily shakes, the medicine was pressed on the Full Moon on June 9, 2017. Then I spent all day on the full moon cooking the mushrooms in water to pull out the water soluble polysaccharides and other delicious medicinal constituents. Then they were combined to make this beautiful double extracted medicine.
Check out the picture below, at the 1/2oz and 2oz bottle sizes for sale in the store online today!
In your humble service,
Founder of Antler Alchemy
Perfectly Imperfect Perfection
We could wait to have everything perfect or we can just start.
I have finally put together my mailing list and sending out the first newsletter. This has taken me over three years to accomplish, mostly out of a fear that I must have a perfect newsletter the first time.
Do you find yourself not doing something because you want to be viewed asperfect and having it all together?
I am taking my lead from Mother Nature and my guru Dharma Mittra…ALL ISPERFECT! There is nothing more we have to do than show up and be our true selves.
This year I chose the word dedication as my theme. Each year I choose a word or two to live by rather than resolutions and promises of doing something in particular. This way I am living my life and learning what that word really means through my actions, lessons, and choices. Dedication is teaching me that if I want to be dedicated to what I am most passionate about in life, perfection is not the goal.
The meaning of the word dedicate goes something like this according to dictionary.com
“the giving of oneself to some purpose”
That seems about right. Giving whole-heartedly our passionate selves for a higher purpose. This is perfection without judgment.
Here I am starting my newsletter, beginning my writing again as the last time I wrote something longer than an Instagram or Facebook post, was in 2016 when I received this message from Mother Earth. I am not sure if this is “supposed” to be in a blog, or if my newsletter is different that the blog, or if I am “supposed” to put this on Instagram or Facebook, hell I think I am going to go with all of the above! All I know is that it is time to stop being “perfect” and continue being dedicated.
I personally want to say thank you for supporting Antler Alchemy anytime over the past three years. By supporting your desire for connecting to the plants, you have supported me in my passion of sharing the messages of the plants. I am doing nothing more than reawakening YOU to the knowledge that is within yourself for we are all connected to earth.
Dedicate yourself to some classes offered by yours truly. Below are all the beautiful flyers and offerings for you.
Dedicated to Earth,
Founder of Antler Alchemy
Star Date: Kin 199 Blue Self-Existing Storm
Sunday, February 1, 2015
“This journey is not for the faint of heart. This journey is for those who are ready to see their true self, are ready to put into practice how they want to live, and are ready to remove the veil of the false ideals of living in the modern world. This journey is not to be taken lightly.” ~Excerpt from Journal
Waking from my slumber, if you want to call it that, deep in the jungles of Tarapoto I look around blind without glasses or contacts and see just the white of the mosquito net, the rain is falling and I stay in the covers because around me EVERYTHING is wet. Last night I sat in the first ceremony of the 10 day journey in the jungle to drink ayahuasca, no food, ONLY water, no talking, and no eye contact, not that it matters because my hut is down 30 mud stairs carved into the earth off alone from the pack. This hut that has no walls, a roof to shield from the rain (PARTIALLY!), a bed with a mosquito net, a hammock I cannot use because of all the mosquitos, and did I mention a bed?
I am starting to feel hungry, but part of me really does not want any food because I want the cleanse, to feel unhindered by food. The water is fresh, but is not clear, and with all the beautiful minerals of Earth the taste is intense, so I find it hard to drink. A part of me is scared shitless of this journey, but this is what I want. I want to be in the jungle, alone with my thoughts, alone with the plants, animals, feel the wetness of the earth, an experience seven years ago ayahuasca called my psychically to embark upon.
I feel the ayahuasca still vibrating through my veins and I still am having a hard time realizing that I am finally here. That all her previous work through meditations, visits through other plants, and changes in my life brought me to this moment. I can feel the cleanse. My first experience a couple of weeks ago was more of a rebirth, a journey through my actual growth in my mother’s womb, permission from her to continue to work with the plants, visions and ideas on how I am to engage, share, and teach the world how to heal the earth, and most importantly a welcome home party of sorts. A reunion with my soul, her soul, and a sweet enduring reminder that there is never a time I am apart from earth.
Last night aya spent time cleaning all the personal attachments to others and my identity. Cradling me sweetly in her arms as the medicine flows creating ecstatic undulations, raising kundalini through the sushumna nadi guiding me into blissful purging. Blissful purging you ask? Yes! I am happy to release the old, usher in the new, and allow my true nature time and fertile land to grow.
Star Date: Kin 200 Yellow Overtone Sun
Monday, February 2, 2015
“For the first time in my life, I am coming almost fully healthy to a relationship, so there is bound to be bumps with the people I meet because I am learning, I am getting better.” ~Excerpt from Journal
Integration, this is the word of the day. Immersed in this experience I write in my journal the history of relationships with men. I attempt to make a timeline of sorts of the past 13 years. Starting from my first real kiss as a senior in high school with the first boy I chose to love and moving into the long list of traumatic moments in relation. Why so many traumatic experiences?! Should I share? I feel vulnerable in this post but, this timeline is more of a way to understand where I went in my psyche after being raped so shortly after my first real, awakening relationship. I notice in the timeline how my drinking increases with each relation until a culmination of pain finally leads me to the last straw in 2010. I notice how the past wells up in tears overflowing onto the paper, realizing I spent so much time pushing the pain away and doing a major disservice to myself. I do not blame any of the men, I do not blame myself, I only acknowledge and understand how I spent so much time in fear. I can tell this is more of the cleanse from the ceremony two days ago. I no longer feel a connection to the past pain, I feel resolute and joy. It is one thing to mentally believe in my power and another to feel the release and step into the power within my body, which in itself alone is scary. I write an affirmation to remind myself the purpose of this work,
“I release myself from the pain, the hurt, physical abuse, and the physical manifestation of the abuse in my body. I let go of the pain of being raped and reclaim my soul back, my sexuality, my beauty. No longer do I dumb down or push away what I deserve due to fear that is untrue. I am beautiful, I am sexy, I am love, my body is whole, my world is abundant, and I am worth being held, cared for, loved, and celebrated. I am worth a man who wants every part of me, just the way I am.” ~Excerpt from Journal
Star Date: Kin 201 Red Rhythmic Dragon
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
“I do not know what time it is although I see the sun create shadows. Hours turn into days but I make it up the hill to complete a full standing yoga practice. I only drank three cups of water in the past three days, the yoga practice creates a thirst, thank God! My dreams are intense, the land is shaking my existence, my vision returns slowly and my nails look strong and shiny.UPGRADE!” ~Excerpt from Journal
Star Date: Kin 202 White Resonant Wind
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
“Drinking ayahuasca alone is amazing! I miss the songs, but revel in the sounds of the jungle, the silence of human existence, and the deep journey in my physical body. Lesson: physical extractions of gunk.” ~Excerpt from Journal
I think I love drinking ayahuasca on my own because there is only my experience, no songs singing when I long for silence and no one else around but my main lover Pachamama. Last night and into this morning her and I speak sweet words of intention and understanding as she tells me she is going to clean any residual gunk in the lower chakras, heart, and throat chakra. This manifests as a snake inside my body, starting around the womb I see the snake devour black matter, growing in size. The snake moves up the spine, eating black matter all the way up to the heart. The snake spends significant amount of time around the heart and I am in a trance of sorts, there are no other visions, and my mind is clear. I lay in the hut aka bed alone, listening to the sounds of the jungle as the snake moves into the throat chakra. Breaking down black matter, releasing fear of speaking, sharing truths, and writing for others to read my life experiences. I am nauseas and want it to end because I do not know how much more opening and healing I can take at the moment. It is quite overwhelming and aya says to me in her sweet but firm voice, “we can finish this now or I can come back later, it’s your choice.” I battle back in forth between, “let’s end it” and “no wait! let’s finish it so we don’t have to come back.” Ultimately, I chose to end it because there is so much! My body is undulating and vibrating at such a high frequency I do not even know how to contain myself. I reach these points with her where I can feel the full kundalini experience and I think I understand what it means when I read in books about the full meditation experience. I think there is more personal practice without the aid of plants I want to embark upon before staying a long time with her in this state that maybe resembles samadhi. I get the sense that in my personal journey she is just opening the door slightly for me to put my toe into as I use the breeze of her kisses to enhance personal life practice of meditation and discovery.
Star Date: Kin 203 Blue Galactic Night
Thursday, February 5, 2015
“I AM HUNGRY! I can’t stop thinking about all the vegetarian sushi I am going to make when I get back to the states. That is all.” ~Excerpt from Journal
Star Date: Kin 204 Yellow Star Seed
Friday, February 6, 2015
“New creation: a complete in bed yoga class. Maybe I can return to the states and teach in bed. HA! Although I get up and do a full practice, there is so much time left that I find myself stretching in bed the whole time. I also can sit in meditation for much longer now, I don’t know the amount of time because I am not looking at a watch, phone, or anything other than the jungle dense forest around me. This is life. This is my choice. Integration. More things than I can even explain in words. Images that only if I could draw others could see and understand.” ~Excerpt from Journal
Star Date: Kin 206 White Spectral World-Bridger
Sunday, February 8, 2015
“I see. I understand. I know why I am here.”~Excerpt from Journal
I sit and ask aya to show me some of my past lives or maybe the reason why I am here if there is no such thing as past lives. She shows me the first incarnation of who I am. How I came to be and this is beyond magical. There is no way to share in words this experience. I leave this journey as an open invitation for you to ask her yourself one day.
In conclusion, life is one lesson of self-discovery. Do you need ayahuasca to discover who you are? A jungle experience? No! This is the work I do all the time no matter where I am in the world. Is working with the plant amazing? YES! As a lover of plants, most times when there is a chance to learn and experience a new plant, I am very much into the process. I am also a believer that you can work with a plant without ever ingesting or touching the plant, but that is for another post another time. Is this the end? No! There is so much more to say but for now…INTEGRATION.