Star Date 184.108.40.206 Kin 210
White Lunar Dog
I polarize in order to love
I seal the process of heart
With the lunar tone of challenge
I am guided by the power of spirit
I am a galactic activation portal enter me
The road to this trailhead is windy, narrow, unpaved, bumpy, and full of pines and stars. The scent is overwhelming peaceful, as I am crammed in the back seat with César as we slowly creep closer to Clear Creek trailhead. Thinking about the energy for the day, a White Dog GAP day, and how I am a White Self-Existing dog. I feel a deep love for my dear friend, spiritual brother, and an innate loyalty our soul contract requires. We are embarking upon a challenge guided by spirit set by an intention I made many years ago when I discovered Mt. Shasta existed, to climb up there, spend a night or two, and meditate for hours with the spirit of the mountain. My intention is similar to César’s, whose goal is to hike to the summit of the mountain.
Ali and Michelle drop us off at 21:27 at the Clear Creek trailhead. We prep our gear, fill out forms, and grab poop bags! WHAT?! I must be crazy. I am about to start a hike in the evening through woods I never seen before, with animals, and no way to use a bathroom except on a piece of paper with a target and bag to put human waste in. I pray I do not need to use the bathroom but at the same time I feel excitement for the journey. We start the hike at 21:35, an ascent from below the tree line to above the tree line is the goal before midnight. Headlamp leads the way as we wind through the dark tree line. Looking up to see the stars during occasional breaks. I see the moon hidden amongst the tree line, low in the sky, large, warm yellow orange peak through tree line at times as we twist and turn through the tall pine forest. The moon is in Gemini on the eastern horizon. While in the western horizon Vega is bright in the sky and is a constant companion as we hike in the dark, leading the way towards Mt. Shasta’s peak.
22:11 – We are at a clearing and the waning gibbous moon is higher in the sky with Orion chasing after the moon. Vega still sits above the top of Mt. Shasta and we almost don’t need a headlamp to light the path. Shasta’s snowy peak gleams and beams in the night sky and only if my camera could capture the beauty, the stillness, the peace.
23:15 – A slow ascent but we are at a full clearing and Vega begins to set beyond the peak of Shasta. I see a red shooting star beam into the mountain and feel a sense of accomplishment for taking on an adventure outside of my comfort zone, but something I’ve always dreamed about. I recall a friend who I associate shooting stars with and know that he is right there with me at that moment experiencing the epic night sky through my senses and is guiding me on the path with love. The idea of being on this mountain so high up watching the sky rotate as we revolve around the Earth’s axis brings an eternal smile to my face. I know that when I am older and smile lines are etched in my skin this is one of the experiences that helped mark me with the beauty of that wrinkle. What more is there to life?
Star Date 220.127.116.11 Kin 211
Blue Electric Monkey
I activate in order to play
I seal the process of magic
With the electric tone of service
I am guided by the power of vision
I am a galactic activation portal enter me
00:00 – Happy Halloween! We are above the tree line and hear the babbling creek, which means there is water and we are close to where we should camp for the evening. The moon is high in the sky and lights our way as we abandoned the headlamp for the moon an hour ago. On the left of the trail appears to be the perfect spot to camp, soft, not too many rocks, some small bushes to block part of the wind. We collect water from the stream and set up camp. I purposefully make sure the tent doors are facing the East and West. East towards the mountain range horizon where the continuous stars emerges from the other side of the world. The west contains the peak of Mt. Shasta, which I stare at before going to sleep in awe at the beauty of the snow-covered peak reflecting the brightness of the moon.
05:00 – Alarm goes off. The sun is still asleep lighting the other part of the world, but Venus, Jupiter, and Mars look so beautiful in the sky in Virgo. Almost in a straight line in the sky and I honor Venus and the planets and stars as I step out into the cold morning air. The moon illuminates but not so much that I can’t see the stars. Orion is still in the sky following the moon closer to the peak of Mt. Shasta and it is one of the most beautiful sights in my life. The early morning sky with Venus my lover up high in the east, what more is there to life? Seriously? I fall back to sleep and dream prophetic visions of which are too hard to explain.
06:55 – I open the tent door and the colors are magnificent. A yellow, orange hue of early first sunrise. The planets are still out to play. César preps and leaves for his ascent higher as I keep the tent door open after walking around some to watch the sun rise with protection from the cold and wind. Sun gazing is always amazing but on this mountain with the peak of Mt. Shasta behind me and the mountain ranges in front of me….the first rays of the sun comes over the mountains. I have seen some beautiful sunrises before but this one is definitely in the top 5. This is why I came here; to see the stars, to see the sunrise, to feel the mountain energy as I sleep under peak, to feel the vibrations and sound of the mountain, to see the patterns unknown to my eyes while I stare at the sun restructuring and it strengthens my eyes. The dreams are so intense on the mountain; old lovers, friends, and people I never met before visit me. We frolic on adventures and rejoice in peace and love. I stay awake until 8am forgetting today is a Rainbow Meditation day and yet I some how feel a surge of energy as I am in deep meditation around this time. Eventually I fall back into a state of visions and dreams.
10:00 – I emerge from the tent finally and the moon is still out. I watch it set beyond the peak in less than 3 min. I look around my surroundings; the full day sun is much different than the night, early morning, and sunrise. There is a rock, which I thought at one point in the night, was a bear, I yelled at it in the evening, but seeing it as a large rock now I laugh at myself and think this is where I am spending my day. Perched on the rock to stretch, lay out my crystals for charging, write poetry, meditate, and lay out and slab. Slab is a term I use for laying on rocks which capture the sun’s heat and transfer the warmth into my body. Therefore, I am smack in the middle of warmth from the sun and the rock. It works quite nicely all over the world in many locations.
11:00 – I sit here and write after a short yoga session on the massive rock, which obviously fell down from the peak. Crystals charge facing the peak, I listen to the sounds of the mountain; the wind, comes into my ears and tells me the secrets of the mountain, the water cascades down small bubbling creek in the distance, the tress below are rustling to one another with the wind, and the sun beams down as clouds pass through the mountain range. I spend hours staring up at the clouds that are above me and look down at the clouds that are below me. There are patterns in the clouds, there are patterns I see in my eyes but I am unsure how to explain their shapes and morphing. The clouds give away to images of unicorns, dolphins, and other mystical creatures. I think about César and what the view must look like from higher up the mountain, in moments I am transported to his eyes, a bird’s eye view above the clouds, atop different peaks of 360-degree views of mountains. I feel as though I am a space holder as he traverses above the clouds into 14,000ft. of lofty existence. I can feel the Earth pulsating beneath me and my body captures the lessons where my intelligent mind is unable to grasp the subtleties of sacred matter. Who wants the mind to cloud the pureness of nature? The body, spirit, and soul have a higher understanding of things unseen. All I know…this is the life as a pray for the return of my brother in one piece.
3:15 – César comes back into camp and is freezing, I drape him in his sleeping bag, offer warm tea, delicious snack, and warm blanket. He looks as if he has seen the unseen. His eyes are wide, hands are cold, hair is in all directions, and he is alive! He discusses his epic climb to the summit, above the clouds he stared at them for what seemed like hours. The same clouds I saw below he saw above and we share images, thoughts, and exasperated exclamations of how it is all so unexplainable. On his descent he fell multiple times, became lost, and wandered around the mountain hoping just hoping he could find camp. Luckily he embarked upon a large stone with an arrow we had seen the night before and back tracked, more like re-climbed the mountain again to return home. I am so happy he made it safely because I began to get nervous about his return, praying for him to be safe, and felt him searching, but as any older brother/sister I gave him a little smart-ass remarks on his return and said he has no right to complain since this is the journey he chose. He made it back just in time for him to warm up some, eat a snack, pack up and make it down in time to meet our ride. As there is no cell service and these things must be planned and committed to before departing the presence of those who are helping. The descent down is quick and painless. My focus is getting us to warmth especially after César hiked in a guayabera, a Cuban button down shirt and a small pull over Tibetan hoodie and rain jacket; basically not enough gear to actually stay warm 14,000 ft. Also hunger takes over as coconut strips and little bit of water was all there was to feed me. In the moment and reflection I am nothing more than grateful for his fearlessness to climb to the summit, to have the opportunity to support his quest by holding space energetically, physically, and in prayer, spend time in communion with Mt. Shasta, and the chance to experience the summit through his eyes. Each day since then is constant integration and understanding images I saw, vibrations I experienced, and the union of the stars/planets as they play on my life.
All warm and no longer on the mountain
Lessons on how one shows up in the world. These are what come from days as yesterday. Learning how I react when put into positions different than my desires, although the way is chosen and its fortuitous. I ended where I was going, but not as I wanted to go. Confronting the pain, disappointments, and internal voices saying I made a wrong decision cloud the psyche. In the end, arriving to a place where I am most loved and realizing I am loved the whole journey is the most important lesson to understand. The whole way were guardian angels reaching out to assist the journey. My only block is the way I chose to see certain moments. Restructuring the vision to faith pushes the objective and purpose of life through the lens of love.
I myself was far from an angel in the situation. I made fun of myself and my little pity party. I knew I was being whiny and apologizing for the fact. I am still evolving into a better version of myself. I spent much time reminding myself the lesson of love and the way of the solo wanderer. Reminded that to wander free one must remove attachments to desires and outcomes. Always returning to this understanding but with the nagging sense that I wasn’t going as expected! The expectation of the what….the how. This is the way of travel…the constant surrender.
I share this to enlighten the way of the wanderer and leave you with one of my all time favorite lists from The Book of Five Rings:
THE WAY OF WALKING ALONE (or The Way of Self-Reliance)
- Do not turn your back on the various Ways of this world.
- Do not scheme for physical pleasure.
- Do not intend to rely on anything.
- Consider yourself lightly; consider the world deeply.
- Do not ever think in acquisitive terms.
- Do not regret things about your own personal life.
- Do not envy another’s good or evil.
- Do not lament parting on any road whatsoever.
- Do not complain or feel bitterly about yourself or others.
- Have no heart for approaching the path of love.
- Do not have preferences.
- Do not harbor hopes for your own personal home.
- Do not have a liking for delicious food for youself.
- Do not carry antiques handed down from generation to generation.
- Do not fast so that it affects you physically.
- While it’s different with military equipment, do not be fond of material things.
- While on the Way, do not begrudge death.
- Do not be intent on possessing valuables or a fief in old age.
- Respect the gods and Buddhas, but do not depend on them.
- Though you give up your life, do not give up your honor.
- Never depart from the Way of the Martial Arts.
Second Day of the Fifth Month, Second Year of Shoho 
Once upon a time a little girl was born into the land of the living. Her parents were from the hoods of their youth, growing up tough, strong and beating out odds of an existence on the street, dead or living confined lives of the ghetto poor lifestyle. Learning that it is a mentality not a destination in life. Lucky for them their parents cared and demanded excellence at all cost. One day in the park they met and went out dancing together, explored mountainous regions, and decided against all odds in the 70s that being a black woman and a white male, love can reign supreme. Moving out into a rural/suburban planned community they embarked upon the life they always thought was ideal for raising kids into the world. This little girl born to them and the following son was their best creation in the world. They taught them how to walk the streets of the suburban landscape as if they were on the streets of the ghetto. Life lessons, how to read the streets, how to observe strangers and friends. How to walk invisible through police presence, respect elders, and keep their heads held high. This girl learned the paths in the woods, how the streams and rivers moved, watched the changing plants and trees through all the seasons as she walked with her dogs deep into the unknown paths. Spending hours alone getting lost in Mother Nature bare footed wading through the waters to find perfect spots to read books on adventures, mysteries, and her favorite topic, death, dying, and living with real pain.
She found solace in this solo lifestyle as her parents didn’t allow her to watch TV, go to others houses, the mall, or activities they thought were pointless and against learning, love, and enlightenment. “Go explore outside, take the dog for a walk, read a book, stay home and learn how to love yourself,” her parents would say when she would ask to hang with friends. It didn’t matter that they wouldn’t let her go most of the time, she scared most people her age anyway. She knew too much, wandered too far, was too strong, and didn’t follow the leaders in petty school groups. She only had respect for her elders, parents, Mother Nature, and herself…. In that order.
Days and years go by filled with winning sport matches, riding bikes into the ground, and avoiding abuse from her father. Her parents split because in her eyes, they were both so stubborn and in love they couldn’t see past the others faults and they fought over everything. She vowed to always love everyone no matter what their faults. She took refuge in the arms of her grandmother, a strong black woman who spent most days in deep meditation, conversing with Angels, and in deep reflection on truth and prayer. Weeks go by in the ghetto of DC and this little girl hated being away from the woods, she could never go outside so she began to make up lands, sit in hours of meditation with her grandma, and pray…pray for the day when she could go see the whole world. Not just visit the mountains of New York and Virginia but the mountains of the world, the oceans, and other places she only read about but felt like she had been to before.
Through all this time, family pain, responsibilities, and this ongoing pressure to be the best she put on a facade at school and to her peers. They didn’t understand how lonely she felt. It was beginning to overwhelm her everyday existence and she contemplated dying. She wasn’t afraid of death, saw it as a way out of this world, how can someone have so much love and be so alone? So strong yet so weak? Lucky for her most people who want to die have a stronger urge to find happiness and she thought this must be why I want to die…there is so much desire to be more than what is “real.” This girl is blessed with Angels and guardians and some elders noticed her wisdom and asked her to become a peer counselor. To help others who are feeling just as lost and this selfless work saved the little girl. She also stopped caring what others thought and tried out for cheerleading knowing she was gonna kill herself anyway so who cares what they thought. Surprisingly she made the team and this finally was the first time in life others depended on her besides herself and family. A new sense of purpose was ignited in her soul and she began to heal.
Now it couldn’t really be a fairy tale if this girl didn’t meet her knight and shining armor! She spent her days always with the boys, feeling more comfortable on the field playing or outside jumping in streams than in a dress but she would daydream of the day she would meet her love. The one she could experience truth, deep understanding, and sexual desires. She saved herself for this one, never really going farther than a peck on the lips with other boys. Lucky for her he came, this beautiful boy who loves to wander in the woods, bike all over the place, had a real sense of adventure, would listen to her deeply, share poetry, and didn’t try to rush her into anything physical. Time seemed to stand still and her heart felt so full. She found another who roamed the earth with similar desires and questioned the world. All her desires were met on every level possible. Unfortunately life isn’t a fairy tale and events happened that pulled them apart but she never gave up hope that there are others out there in the world, strong, beautiful, and proud to have a girl by their side that could handle her own and speak truth.
Little did she know that there were so many broken men in the world and little did she realize how much the loss of her best friend and love of her life would send her in a tailspin of a sort of dark ages. Booze became her best friend and after a night of being raped by a weak ass man did she dive deeper into the abyss of alcoholism and self-suicide. What’s to stop her? She wanted to die before so why not now? How can she live love when pain always finds its way into the hearts of those who only want to be love? She didn’t know it then but her guardian angles kept eyes on her, of course, isn’t that how fairy godmothers work in fairy tales?
She met the most beautiful physical representation of a guardian angel one evening as she was puking her brains out, trashed in her dorm room looking like hell. This girl came in with a halo of golden hair and heart full of love. Together they embarked upon the deepest bond two solo traveling female wanders could ever imagine. She was saved again! Life had meaning, purpose. Yet all good things come to an end and although they are best friends to this day, the separation of land masses makes it difficult to up and runaway with your bestie at a drop of a hat.
But that’s ok. Remember this little girl is strong, independent, and although her heart feels pain and is alone she never really feels alone. Every time she hit rock bottom in the next couple of years she only rose up out of the ashes of her burnt life style like Phoenix ready to burn brighter than before. Learning and understanding why she wishes for death! It is not in the physical but for the death of old patterns, limiting beliefs, and pain. So she can rise up higher than before and soar in the air with the wind beneath her wings. Feeling free to fly even farther to see the world and share love. Love is what heals pain and so she made this her purpose in life. To learn how Mother Earth heals her habitants so she can spread the love only Pachamama knows how to give and accept the pain of life only the way Pachamama can. Transforming pain through death, burning down the hurt, and lifting up the vibration of love.
Photo by: Drew Xeron
Sometimes this is a very lonely path. One not easily walked and so she still sits and wonders when she shall fly side by side with a man who shares the same purpose. To realize love transcends the social connotations, that love is allowing the wings of our soul to take flight, fly free from being in a cage and defines their heart by the path of truth. To realize that only true strength and humility comes from living in vulnerability. But ultimately she surrenders this idea and walks strong and true into her purpose to live happily ever after through pain, vulnerability, with unconditional love of all her brothers and sisters in all physical manifestations of existence.
Photo by: Drew Xeron
The cold comes in and lingers, days turn into weeks and the cold only gains in momentum. For days, that I add up to weeks, the wind chimes outside my home have yet to stop moving and creating a cacophony of melodious sounds. The sound is beautiful, although I wonder when it will all stop. Days of observations of the psyche, environment, body, and soul continue without respite. Each day a new emotion or a new aha moment of understanding.
The world is upset about politics, the way we are governed, and the outcome of the world. Solutions seem hard to come by as blame and fingers point to those who are “responsible.” As I look out on the metro and notice how new homes/apartments are supposedly improvements or better than ghetto living with the poor. I just don’t see it. I see the buildings as prisons. Humans stacked on top of humans, boxes to live and die in, creating funeral homes of people losing their souls and purpose for living. This idea of being “safe” in a building made of materials that could easily blow away, cause more waste, and perpetuate an industry of illusion. The same one so many are trying to break free from. I look at these old beautiful buildings and don’t understand why people want to destroy the old as a quick fix and erect something new, when there are so many beautiful buildings, sturdy, full of space that can accommodate the human existence. I see the future of your new buildings in the present condition of past buildings. New ghettos popping up everyday.
What will it take to see that using the same solutions that cause problems for most situations will be our downfall? When will we see that by refusing to confront, fix, and appreciate what we already have is the solution to most of the issues in the world? What will it take to show society that we are only as strong as our weakest link? Why can’t we lift each other up and scream for community? What are we really afraid of? Peace? Acceptance? Compassion? NO! We are afraid of the real work, time, and understanding it takes to come up with real long lasting compassionate solutions. We are afraid of the true reality::
THAT IF EVERYONE IS A GOD BEING THEN EVERYONE CAN BE A BEACON OF LIGHT AND TRUTH.
If everyone is that way, then how can you even be considered special or unique?
I have been to the West Coast and seen the beauty of nature, the mountains, hills, Redwoods, and Sequoias reach high into the sky. Take notice! On the East Coast we live in some of the oldest woods and forests. The same forests that nurtured the world for so long. Nature and herbal flora so diverse, just as diverse as the humans that live on the East. Every day we are in this nature, fully exposed yet we plow down the old forests full of fairies, magic, creatures, wilderness, and the most diverse herbal flora in the world to create concrete forest floors with concrete, recycled materials, and glass Redwoods, reaching high into the sky to house the most diverse cultures known to man in one location. Each step you take in this city is on the floor of Pachamama. Maybe on the East coast we forget because Nature doesn’t loom over us to make us feel small, but what is the sky? What are the plants? What are we? Aren’t we worth the chance to allow bio-diversity in all walks of life?
BE YOUR TRUTH. BE THE LIGHT. YOU ARE A BEACON. LIVE IN LOVE AND COMPASSION. THIS IS HOW WE CHANGE THE WORLD!
Today we set fire to you.
The heart that is cracked, broken.
We lit a fire into your dead pungent remains.
Burned down our regrets.
Purified the soul.
Honored the sacred directions.
Bowed to the full moon goddess of receptivity.
Yes today we set-a-blaze to the heart and sent it out into the river to flow into the infinite sea.
There you can be reborn.
Mother Earth carries your true purpose back into our hearts.
A year ago on New Years Day my heart broke in a way I have never felt. I lost hope in love, pushed out into sea with no help, stranded, scared, and lost. Synchronistic events led to the physical representation of the heart through my crystal bowl to be broken as well. A crystal bowl I played representing the heart chakra, beautifully tuned, also cracked and no longer sang as if the bowl felt my pain and my heart fall into the abbess.
Finally, after a year, I offered the cracked heart chakra bowl into the river at Rock Creek. Under the full moon we head out through freshly fallen snow, guided by the light of the full Moon Goddess. In a circle of ceremony with dear friends, Mayrose, Anjanaye, Amber, Philly, and Aqeel, we set on fire our pain, let go of the past year, ready to move forward with love full in our hearts. We watched the fire burn within that broken bowl. I watched the letter I wrote to the past consumed by flames. Full moon shined down into our circle. The hands of the Moon wrapped around our hearts, pulling out the discarded sections. We offered the physical representation of the heart to the river in DC, returning crystal to Mother Earth. Into the womb of the all powerful. Mother Earth guides the broken love and transforms the pain, washed and cleansed by the river to flow through the heart of DC.
Let our act of letting go and mending be reflected into the city of DC and lend a healing hand to all beings. May the intentions flow to the sea, evaporate into the air and rained down throughout the world.
I love you. I love you all. Thank you.
I am home. The same but changed. Expanded into a new realm. Heart mended. Ready. READY. READY!!!!!
Here I stand in this truth at the moment. Poised, planted, prepared.
Inspired by Burning Man, Bhakti Fest, Peru, Georgia, Australia, New Zealand, Unconditional Love, PURPOSE….
An image I believe embodies the power words.
After deep reflection and meditation I chose 4 power words to guide me through this year – 2014:
Inspired by Fransceca Cuervo, I choose to live by these words rather than create new years resolutions or goals. The year folds into harmonic reverence guided by the four words.
See you in the fold.