by April Rameé | Mar 8, 2018 | Antler Alchemy, Love, Plants
WORTHY OF LOVE
Late night in my room with candles lit I set the evening tone I have grown familiar with recently, a sort of serenade to my soul. I stare at the candles and choose a card from a deck I was recently gifted serendipitously. This deck is focused on love, a word and concept I am not truly focused on bringing into my life at the moment, however, I am forever a romantic and optimistic on all things love so I am diving into the deck with an open mind.
I sit now choosing a new card from this deck and receive Worthiness. The card is asking me to remember that I am worthy of love. What an interesting concept that I think I understand, but do I really? I am not 100% sure I know what this means. I get it intellectually, but in my body, heart and mind do I feel worthy?
Memories of pain, trauma, shame, hurt, FEAR, and lack of worthiness play out in my mind. I don’t know if I am actually worthy, however it makes sense in my mind. YES! I AM worthy of Love. We are all worthy of love. It seems to me to be an inalienable right…right?
Worthiness Card
Since the card was pulled three days ago it permeates my thoughts at all times, every day I wonder …am I treating myself as someone worthy of love? Am I allowing love to come in my direction? Am I releasing the fear of traumatic experiences holding me back from love? Am I allowing myself to be open to love? Am I allowing the trauma and shame put on me from others stopping me from being myself? Am I whole? Am I giving MYSELF the love I deserve? Who needs love? What is my definition of love?
Most of the time I feel worthy. However, I feel shame and fear from past traumas. I carry these wounds gaping deep within my spirit that are not mended. Creating a cesspool of uncovered rotting potential of vitality. Wasted away in fear, shame, and blame.
In my dream that night I pulled the card comes a sign from the plant world. I dream of Echinacea, a plant I do not use very often because it is really more for intense blood and lymphatic conditions. It is over harvested and on the US Plant Savers at-risk list since 2014 because so many people think of it is an Immune stimulating herb only. While it does this, it is not for the little cough that people most of the time take it for, it is for deep sickness and to cleanse the blood and lymphatic system of toxins and purifying these tissues.
Echinacea growing in my yard
In my dream as I pick the plant, I hear the running sound of a deer in the woods. I turn around to stare at the deer. I notice it coming towards me at full speed with the head tilt down and antlers poised ready to ram my body and send me flying into the air, but at the last minute the antlers form around me, enveloping me into the sweetest embrace. The fear of being rammed by an animal at full speed is replaced with devotion. As if the animal is calling my soul to return to my true nature with the support of the herb. This is not any animal but the Deer, one of my spirit guides and one of the animals responsible for the name of the company, Antler Alchemy.
As if having this memorable experience in the dream was not enough, I receive a message from my friend the next day asking me to put Echinacea into a salve formula we are perfecting. This herb has been known since the Natives taught Europeans how to use it as a wound healer as well.
While this plant is not the first one I would turn to for a lesson on the heart, it is a plant to remind one how to be whole. It is for those who feel shattered by severe trauma in their lives. They may allow the energy of this trauma to be the main focus of their life, unable to move out of the space of putrid rotting in the spirit. There is a sense of learning how to forgive ourselves and others to remove stagnation within the self and spirit. There could be a sense of feeling alienated and unable to connect to the inner strength and peace. This plant is able to bring about resilience.
I find this to be a message not only for myself but also for the world. We can dwell on the traumatic experiences happening everywhere all the time or we can turn to the support of the plants to work their healing magic. This can bring us back to our inalienable rights to be a part of the community of the Earth as whole human beings, to tend to the world with reverence, and remember WE ARE WORTHY OF THE LOVE that the Earth has bestowed upon each and EVERY ONE OF US.
How do you find yourself worthy of love? Feel free to share with me!
by April Rameé | Dec 29, 2017 | Antler Alchemy, Herbs, Love, Plants
The adventure of life takes me on so many twists and turns, dips and rises. I turn 34 today in quite an uneventful way, which after many of years being alive with eventful birthdays, that could be a positive (so my dad says). However, I rarely do anything uneventful. In the spirit of my birthday, I share some raw feels in my soul today and the herbs assisting my healing as I look forward to the New Year.
A dear soul I met in Oregon told me once, “Write your life like it is a story and you are a character.” What would I say? I am unsure, as I write this from a free-write process and my story telling through writing is still new. Let’s see where this story goes…
Poetically gleaming out into the world, her eyes are wide as a deer taking in all the beautiful sights and amazing people. The world seems to be a prosperous, joyous place of those who want to be happy. However, mistakes are always made and she feels the weight of mistake after mistake piling upon her heart. The joy is starting to fade and the world seems dim. She looks around and wonders why so many people are here to only gain something, achieve some goal, and look out for their best interest. She wonders…how is she thinking only about herself? Can she reflect a different truth in her work and daily life? She calls her father and mother for advice, because they taught her how to be a woman in this world. Her father says that she is too trusting and even her mother echoes this same sentiment to her, “Why do you trust people so easily? Why do you give away so much of yourself without anyone proving they deserve what you have to offer?”
She doesn’t know why. WHY? Why does her heart urn to be trusting? Why does her heart urn to be surrounded by genuine, trustworthy people, but seems to find those who realize they can take advantage of her?
Rather than stay in a victim mode, she focuses on why she attracts such energy. Where does she hold herself a victim? Where does she hold a sense of lack of self worth? What can she do as a person believing in honesty, trust, and kindness to attract the same beings who genuinely posses these qualities?
FORGIVENESS
She starts to forgive herself for all the mistakes, the people she allowed to come in and control her life. She forgives herself for not being able to hold her boundaries as the fences come tumbling down when the hearts and desires of others bulldoze through. She forgives herself for breaking down her boundaries as this causes pain for those she loves and most importantly herself. She forgives herself that sometimes she is unable to be mean and say no. She forgives herself when she is mean and says no. She forgives herself for wanting life a specific way. She forgives herself for being focused and determined She forgives herself that she ALLOWS herself to feel guilty when others attack her for standing her ground or owning something she worked hard for. She forgives herself for being mean when she finally reinstates a boundary. She forgives herself for taking advantage of others in situations. She forgives herself for selfish behaviors. She forgives herself for not always seeing those who are supporting her. She forgives and forgives because she realizes to attract those who are like her she must forgive herself for forgetting to give herself the love she deserves on the most subtle, unconscious levels.
She realizes that she doesn’t have to forgive those harming her, she only must forgive herself because let’s face it…that is where the anger and hurt comes from. It comes from disappointing herself because she could be better, stronger, bitchier, and sturdier in her boundaries. Her fence could be a fortress and the people that deserve to be there will see there is a door to knock on gently, consistently, and with gratitude for her existence. While those who do not deserve to be inside see only a cold hard exterior, to their detriment because they are unable to see a door of kindness.
Wow! I don’t know what type of story that is, but I am going to be raw here and not edit. I write this to share authentically where I am in the world, I am not down and I am not up. I am here, present in the current moment with joy for being in this body. Understanding there is a purpose to all that happens, to learn, to lean in deep and see the true self. No one is perfect, I am not an angel and I am sure I have hurt others. I am reaping the consequences that come from my actions. They are not bad and not good, it is just what it is, a lesson to help me create vitality in my life. Seems as though the purpose is to wake me up to the joy of life! The interesting thing about it all is I think we could all benefit from some more forgiveness of ourselves.
Thank goddess for the plants that support me! My current go to tea is doing wonders for my heart, processing, and forgiving myself. This is the best birthday gift I could give myself today. Drinking good tea, taking a sweet bath, and honor the divine within myself. 34 years alive feels raw, beautiful, prosperous, magical, and forgiving.
Photo of Tea Honeysuckle (top left), Hawthorn Leaf & Flower (top right) Linden Leaf & Flower (bottom)
Herbs in my current tea: honeysuckle, hawthorn leaf & flower, and linden leaf & flower. I added some extra honeysuckle flower essence my girlfriend gifted me to the tea as well.
Honeysuckle is that sweet bushy plant you might walk by in the summertime and as a kid picked the ends of the flower to extract the tiny drop of honey it provides. This herb is great for respiratory problems and has a calming effect on the nervous system. The flower essence is great for those who are glorifying the past; find it hard to move on over the loss of a loved one, particularly if they are elderly. Good for those who get stuck in regretful feelings about the past, about missed opportunities or unhappy occurrences or about growing old. Honeysuckle helps bring people in the present and let go of the past, or bring it into perspective so that they can benefit from lessons learned from experience.
Hawthorn Leaf and Flower is a well-known heart tonic that is wonderful for high blood pressure, pain in the heart area, and other heart conditions. The flowers and leaves have a relaxant effect to relieve stress and anxiety, inducing sleep in insomniacs. Emotionally hawthorn is to work on the heart chakra, opens the heart to both receiving and giving love, and healing broken hearts.
Linden Leaf and Flower is relaxing remedy when taken as a tea to relieve tension, anxiety, aids in sleep, great for conditions associated with tension including headaches, irritability, and depression. It is another plant associated with the heart for high blood pressure and relaxing the coronary arteries, easing palpitations. Emotionally the plant is closely related with healing matters of the heart and is a symbol of sweetness, peace, and happiness. Increases awareness of our connectedness.
**Herbal info. shorts are modified and restated from the wonderful Anne McIntyre**
by April Rameé | May 12, 2015 | Love
It’s ok to have a pity party sometimes. In my world I find it quite acceptable to take a moment, evaluate pain, and cry. I love the release, the emotion the pure truth. I face the hurt and pain from others. Let’s be real, it is mostly inflicted upon myself from expectations I do not realize where there until the moment arises – a moment of truth…this is really how I feel? Wow! Who knew?
I thank the opportunity to explore the emotions, take time, and reflect. I come to the same conclusion every time…LOVE. What else is there to do in this lifetime? I really haven’t found a better way.
Thank you for the pain, thank you for the love.
~April
by April Rameé | Mar 16, 2014 | Art, Love
Whoa! Sometimes I look at my life and wonder…how did I get so blessed? I try not to spend too much time doubting why and more time on giving thanks for the opportunities, adventures, and love I receive.
Today strapped with my bestie Philly we headed to Baltimore to give out infinite love during the St. Paddy’s Parade. Thank you to Johnny and Sarah of Proper Playground for always creating events that make the world a better place. This work is so aligned with all that I view to be important in the world.
NEXT INSTALLATION OF I AM LOVE PROJECT IS ON APRIL 12th in DC 🙂 Contact me if you want to be apart of the movement in any city.
Jeremy Opio made this beautiful video of the day on YouTube 🙂
The following are images from the day from Theresa and Larry of TLC Baltimore:
